2021.12.06 14:59 Metapolymath Implosion
Felt fucked up, might delete later.
Surprise! - I'm human.
I feel like I am in a slow motion car wreck and I don't care enough to get out of the way. Like I'm emotionally disabled...like my brain wants to run screaming-on-fire from my body.
This is absolutely over dramatic and futile and I know it.
I was fine a month ago. I visited the place I'm from. I had not been home in 2.5 years. Admittedly it was the best time I'd had in years, which put me in a state of review. The contrast was real, coming back to this quiet, empty apartment to work this job that I hold absolutely no passion for.
I was fine living this nothing of a life till I saw it for what it was. I know its only a matter of time till I can move back but now that I see how empty everything is, I can't seem to muster the motivation to do any of this. I'm stuck here till I can afford to do otherwise. Even talking about this feels like I am digging a hole to nowhere in my thoughts that I don't need to get any deeper.
I've been making the motions of a life. Treading water.
How long have I been on autopilot? Doing this day in and day out? Does anyone know the feeling when you take account of your life and realize how little of it is of any real interest for you? How did I get here? I know this served a purpose at one point?
Normally I am secretly disgusted when people complain about things they wont lift a finger to fix. So this is how it feels... I of all people know how pointless it is to fixate on what is wrong any longer than it takes to fix it. You'll get stuck in the pointless loop of anxiety and do absolutely nothing about it instead...just like this.
I'll just take it out on myself over the weekend and then do it all again.
My job hasn't figured out I'm an imposter yet although I'm sure its not far off. It takes everything in me to play this role. How does one cram so much into their brain and convince their brain to stop revolting at how uninteresting it all is? Who ever thought when we were kids that we would spend the majority of our adulthood completely ignoring what makes life worth living so that we can be valued by others doing things that we hate?
Who's fault is it if I feel this way? Oh yeah - mine.
There's this thing inside of me that I am afraid to give in to. Is it bad that I associate the need for help with weakness? I know that if I am asking for help that I am not being self sufficient and that is a slippery slope. The simple answer is to change how you're thinking or what you're doing - easy right?
How indulgent is it that I even talk about my problems? How pointless.
I am the one who picks others up. I can't be weak. I can't give up.
If I don't keep my head up then all of this strength becomes an illusion. Its not real. But it has to be. I can't afford for it not to be. There's never been anyone to lean on and it wouldn't help me if there was. I can't afford to rely on someone else. In the end its always got to be me.
Why do all the broken ones gravitate toward me? Are you reflections of me? Can't you see all I want is to meet someone who will make it ok for me to not be strong all the time? When will it be ok for me to just be me? I don't want to maintain this charade anymore, I'm ready to walk away from everything.
I want to live a life of my choosing, its got to start here right? I don't want to wait till tomorrow.
I can't afford to break down. Not here.
I'm just trying to find my way home.
If this hits home - I'm sorry. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
submitted by Metapolymath to Empaths [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 Amoltis_Biragonix I quickly tore through my flesh, devouring it slowly.
2021.12.06 14:59 S_E_C_O_N_A_L_300MG Desperately in need of some karma. I lost acess to my beloved 9 year account! Will return the favour!
2021.12.06 14:59 Cortal08 Bottle girl aka cocktail waitress
Ok so all of the clubs and lounges in my area are looking to hire someone with experience which I don’t have. I’ve worked in retail environments before but never a club environment. I talked to a bottle girl that works at the club I’m interested in and she told me to lie and say I have at least 8 months experience. Won’t they know I’m lying? What should I do ?
submitted by Cortal08 to resumes [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 Squigglez_4 I know this probably isn't a good place to ask this XD
I was wondering if anyone knew a good place to trade on the TCG online. I have a few copy codes that I redeemed and just want to trade for cards and coins in general XD
To keep with this subreddit I'll give a code to the person who helps me out XD
submitted by Squigglez_4 to PokemonTcgCodes [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 test-flosincapite How Plants Make Rain and Cool the Earth
Most people believe, logically enough, that a landscape rich in plant life must receive a lot of rain.
Well, here's a fascinating fact: Plants don't only need and use rainfall to live, they actually create the rain they need!
This harmonious flow of elements is called the small water cycle. Noot only is this wonderfully efficient cycle beneficial for the plant life in a local region, the water vapor that plants expel is a very important--and often overlooked part--of our planet's cooling system.
In this video, I give a concise explanation of the process.
(btw--I also make a mistake, which I'm sure a lot of folks will catch. 4000mm of rain is actually about 160 inches. And that's what we get here in Ecuador's cloud forest--a lot of rain!)
And if you are looking for a way to make an impact in our task to restore climate, let's get to work restoring ecosystems.
submitted by test-flosincapite to Permaculture [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 Colonel-Ingus Ouch
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2021.12.06 14:59 shirzadbh Human Anatomy
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2021.12.06 14:59 DndRouge Can anyone tell me what this means?
TW- mention of suicide I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this but I’m not sure where else to post it.
I had a dream last night where a loved one had grabbed my arms and was talking about how much they wanted to die. I broke down crying and told them that It would cause a chain reaction and I would be next. I woke up after this- not even crying- but feeling weird about it. I’m not sure if this means something but if I could get help that would be great! I’m also not actively suicidal so I’m not sure why my dream ended up like this or why this person had told me this.
submitted by DndRouge to Dreams [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 KiraChrist Light language... Ajna. A message for my soul family
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2021.12.06 14:59 M4CK1O My kids have always been into cool and unusual rocks, gems, etc. so I bought them a rock tumbler for Christmas. Curious, would anyone know of any good places to hunt for cool rocks that will polish up nicely around the Kentucky/Ohio Valley area? Can you expect much from rocks found in creek beds?
2021.12.06 14:59 AskEmotional6661 I am overjoyed because of this shirt.
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2021.12.06 14:59 abkhur Jeff Scholarship Interview
Hi! I got nominated by my school for the Walentas Scholarship, and it's basically exactly the same as the Jefferson Scholarship as far as the process to get it goes, according to both the website and my school counselor.
Just wanted some advice on the interviews from you guys or any current/previous Jefferson Scholars. As in, what kind of questions are asked, what to avoid, etc. I'd really appreciate it!
submitted by abkhur to UVA [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 Faust_Faust I got bored so I made a poor 3D modeling of Spamton NEO
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2021.12.06 14:59 Hour_Implement_3757 Should I get 5 demon slayer funkos and put them above my poster?🤔
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2021.12.06 14:59 ShinigamiRamen Wanted Fight
So with this new arc one of things i was most excited for before Drakens death was a hopeful fight between Kakucho and Draken. I personally feel like this would have been almost like the many times Draken and Hanma fought but 10x better just due to the fact that it would have been a fight that would have been very even in my eyes and not so much of a one sided beatdown. But now that brings up the question if this fight did happen who do you think would win Kakucho or Draken?
submitted by ShinigamiRamen to TokyoRevengers [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 JulietOfTitanic Security cameras are a joke.
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2021.12.06 14:59 Richmf12081999 Snapchat , Facebook, Instagram /hacking, blockchain hacking script all other hacking tools 🛠 & software carding/fully loaded clonned cards & tracking/ retrieving of stolen funds +1 832 551 7323 for more info! 30$-70$ or DM me for more info!
2021.12.06 14:59 jrocsporty Air drop!!!! FREE AIRDROPS FROM CLEANOCEANTOKENS(FISH) DAILY🌊🗑🔥✅🆓🐟🚀🚀🚀🚨🐳☑️Daily facuet and LOTTERY
2021.12.06 14:59 Ravioli4u #6, Get Up And Go Challenge December 2021! 7-Ys?
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2021.12.06 14:59 Step47_ ADT alarm system with PIR & door sensors
anyone know what kind of alarm these set off? a Buzzing one I can run from. it's the silent, calls the police/security gaurd type one I'm concerned about.
I only want to gain rooftop access to a dope looking spot via outside stairs. Would a security gaurd be likely to let me go for that?
I'm guessing the sensors could be anywhere so idek if I'll set them off.
submitted by Step47_ to UrbanExploring [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 swagsaphone What does my wife want for Christmas (in her stocking)?
This is a question for the wives. So far I have candy, scrunchies, lotion, lip balm, and like a spa head band or something. She said she wants girly stuff. Everything I find, I'm worried she won't like (she probably will, I just think she's picky). I will absolutely take advice on gifts that women like in general as well (she's 23, we have two kids, if that helps).
Thanks for the help!
submitted by swagsaphone to Marriage [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 MathematicianBrief76 (3840x2160) Wave
2021.12.06 14:59 Erebys22 The message on the edge of the cliff
I was on a cliff that overlooked a vast sea. The cliff itself was wide, but one part was about a meter wide and 10 meters long that ended in a sharp point and it extended over the water about 100 meters down below. After something I really can't remember, but had something to do with me being on the cliff, I was walking towards the tip of the mentioned sharp part.
As I got to the edge, I grabbed the rocky cliff, swung in a way, that made me hang right below the cliff like I was a monkey, with my arms and legs wrapped around the cliff. In that position, I was met with a message. I couldn't read it, but I said something out loud. It was something along the lines of "I should've [can't remember]". I was suddenly crouching on the top of the cliff.
Suddenly, a mind-shatteringly loud and grating song blasted through the air. I later identified it as the song "Schizophrenia" from the Saya no Uta ost.
At the same time, I got some sort of REALLY intense emotion/feeling. I can't quite describe it, but it was definetly negative. I'd describe it as a feeling of absolute dread. Like the type of dread you get when faced with certain death or a horrific realisation. The moments before I said the comment about the message, I had a calm feeling, almost nostalgic even. This makes me think I wrote the message.
During this whole thing, I think someone was behind me. I'd hazard a guess and say it was a female around the same age as me.
Any idea what this could mean, folks?
submitted by Erebys22 to DreamInterpretation [link] [comments]
2021.12.06 14:59 Activatetheasset Pro Tip: When making hot chocolate mix, let the toasted sugar cool before adding to the finely chopped chocolate